Friday, July 20, 2012

End of the Half-Year 2012: Part 3- The Half-Year's Best...



Welcome back to End of the Half-Year 2012. In case you missed parts one and two, click here and here. The following is part three, in which I give out random accolades in several different categories. Enjoy.

Words of the Half-Year:
"YOLO"
"Instagram'd"
"Primary"
"Obamacare"
"Eurozone"
"GIF"
"Mommy Porn"
"

Quotes of the Half-Year:
-"To say that people of faith have no role in the public square? You bet that makes me want to throw up. What kind of country do we live in where only people of non-faith can come in the public square and make their case? That makes me throw up. And that should make every American [throw up].":Rick Santorum, reacting to a 1960 John F. Kennedy speech about religion not playing a role in poliitcs
-"Hola, me llamo Roberto...Si. Yo soy fiesta": New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski in an interview with ESPN Deportes.
-"With today's announcement it is time for us to move forward, to implement and when necessary improve on this law.": Barack Obama, in response to the Supreme Court's ruling on the constitutionality of the Affordable Care Act.
-"What's the George Costanza line? 'When they're applauding, you sit down?'": Mitt Romney, incorrectly quoting "Seinfeld" in a February debate.
-"Wouldn't it be funny if that girl got raped by by like, 5 guys right now? Like right now?": Comedian Daniel Tosh, responding to a female heckler who questioned whether rape is funny during a performance.
-"4 summers ago, I met somebody. I was 19 years old. He was too. We spent that summer, and the summer after, together...By the time I realized that I was in love, it was malignant...": Musician Frank Ocean, in a blog post talking about his love affair with a man.
-"Hey, I just met you/And this is crazy/But here's my number/So call me, maybe?": Musician Carly Rae Jepsen in her smash hit song.
-"Ah, shit, I still haven’t called my fucking Mom.  Mom, Happy Mother’s Day.  I got fired. Yes, Mom.  AGAIN.": "Community" creator Dan Harmon, in a Tumblr post regarding his firing from the show by Sony.
-"Let's hurry home and follow the earthquake news. And don't forget to order your favorite KFC menus.": KFC Thailand's Facebook post on the same day as residents were bracing for a tsunami following the April earthquake in Indonesia.\
-"Historically, the policier and the family comedy were two distinct categories. Then, in 1990, Kindergarten Cop gave us all a lesson in genre revisionism.": Criterion Collection's explanation for selecting "Kindergarten Cop" in an April Fools joke.
-"I am urging the parents of black and Latino youngsters particularly to not let their children go out wearing hoodies. I think the hoodie is as much responsible for Trayvon Martin's death as George Zimmerman was...I'll bet you money, if he didn't have that hoodie on, that nutty neighborhood watch guy wouldn't have responded in that violent and aggressive way": FOX News correspondent Geraldo Rivera, regarding the murder of Trayvon Martin, who wore a dark hoodie before getting killed by George Zimmerman in Sanford, Florida.
-"What a snob!": Rick Santorum, again, this time commenting on President Obama's wish to have every American receive a college education.
-"Who do you think you are? I am!": PBA bowler Pete Webber, after winning a tournament.
-"Sister Maya, was this an act of malice?" "No, Brother West. It was an act of whimsy": A line of dialogue from the Maya Angelou prank show sketch on "Saturday Night Live"

Thankfully, Will McAvoy will set the errors of their ways on "The Newsroom" two years from now!

Magazine Cover of the Half-Year: TIME's Breast-Feeding Mother
I like how the baby is apparently just an accessory to the mother in this photo. At least we know who is the one who should really matter in this picture.

TV Shows of the Half-Year: 
"30 Rock"
"Archer"
"Bob's Burgers"
"Community"
"Game of Thrones"
"Girls"
"Happy Endings"
"Justified"
"The Legend of Korra"
"Luck"
"Mad Men"
"Parks &Recreation"
"Sherlock"
"Spartacus: Vengeance"
"Veep"

Movies of the Half-Year: 
"The Avengers"
"Bernie"
"Beasts of the Southern Wild"
"Cabin in the Woods"
"The Deep Blue Sea"
"The Hunger Games"
"The Kid With A Bike"
 "Moonrise Kingdom"
"Once Upon a Time in Anatolia"
"Ted"
"This is Not a Film"

Pop Culture Trend of the Half-Year: Dead Celebrity "Holograms"
Despite being dead for over fifteen years, the late rapper/hip-hop artist Tupac Shakur made headlines at this year's Coachella music festival when he was "resurrected" via a 2-D video projection in which he got to perform "Hail Mary" and "2 of Amerikaz Most Wanted" along with his friend Snoop Dogg. The performance became a big sensation, which immediately led to some crafty businessmen deciding to make profit off of it with hologram performances of other famous dead celebrities. Among those who have been rumored to get the Tupac treatment have included Elvis Presley, Marilyn Monroe, Freddy Mercury, Jimi Hendrix, and Jim Morrisson.Will the novelty of seeing 2Pac perform on stage at Coachella lead to a trend that becomes profitable just as much as it was buzzworthy, or will it fail as part of America's interest in it having been quickly waned? For the love of God, I hope it's the latter.

Album of the Half-Year: Frank Ocean, "Channel Orange"
A stunning debut album from a man who has instantly become one of the most talented musicians of his generation. Compassionate, engrossing, and above all else, really damn good to listen to.
-Runner-ups:
Fiona Apple, "The Idler Wheel is Wiser Than the Driver of the Screw..."
Japandroids, "Celebration Rock"
EI-P, "Cancer for Cure"
Killer Mike, "R.A.P. Music"
Bruce Springsteen, "Wrecking Ball"
Beach House, "Bloom"
Usher, "Looking 4 Myself"
Chromatics, "Kill for Love"
The Shins, "Port of Morrow"
Cloud Nothings, "Attack on Memory"
Jack White, "Blunderbuss"
Neil Young and Crazy Horse, "Americana"
Sleigh Bells, "Reign of Terror"

Songs of the Half-Year:(Note: the following are songs listed not necessarily because of quality, but because of its popularity and relevance in the year's first six months)
Gotye, "Somebody That I Used to Know"
fun., "We Are Young"
Carly Rae Jepsen, "Call Me, Maybe?"
Wiz Khalifa, "Young, Wild, and Free" (ft. Snoop Dogg)
Katy Perry, "Part of Me"
One Direction, "What Makes You Beautiful"
Kanye West & Jay-Z, "Niggas in Paris" 
Justin Bieber, "Boyfriend"

Video Games of the Half-Year: 
"Diablo III"
"Max Payne 3"
"Mass Effect 3"
"SSX"
"Waking Mars"
"Fez"
"Journey"
"Street Fighter X Tekken"
"Final Fantasy XIII-2"

Billboards of the Half-Year: 

Internet Meme of the Half-Year: "Cat Breading"
It seems like the more I'm on the Internet, the less I understand it. Cat in point: cat breading, the popular meme that blew up in the winter that feature, you guessed it, people putting pieces of bread on their cat's face. It's this year's planking, meaning that it will be this year's sensation that future generations will look at us in judgment the way that we look at the success of Pet Rocks in the 1970s. But, hey, at least the cats look adorable!
-Runner-ups:

Comebacks of the Half-Year: 
-Sports: Adam Dunn
When you're a baseball player who finished the previous season hitting a pathetic .159 in 415 at bats, hitting just above the Mendoza line would've been considered an improvement. Thankfully for Adam Dunn and his Chicago White Sox, he has been able to not only hit above .200 this season, but the power hitting that the team expected when they gave him that $44 million contract two years ago has returned as well. So far this season, Dunn remains in top five in the American League in home runs and RBIs, and remains one of the key reasons for Chicago remaining in playoff contention as of this point.
-Entertainment: Boy Bands
Just when you thought the boy band craze died out in the early 2000s with the disbanding of hit groups NSYNC and the Backstreet Boys, they finally managed to get right back into relevancy this year thanks to the success of three bands: One Direction (who hit #1 in the US charts and in eight other country after hitting it big in the UK), The Wanted (another UK import whose song "Glad You Came" went as high as #3 on the Billboard Hot 100 charts), and Big Time Rush (the American group created for the purposes of a Nickelodeon TV show whose popularity continues to escalate). How long this resurrection of the boy band lasts remains to be seen, but I'm sure that there are plenty children of the '90s who are feeling some proud nostalgia about it, even if they definitely won't acknowledge any of these current bands' superiority over those during the original heyday.
-Business: Digitally Filtered Photos
Case in point: Instagram, which launched in 2010 yet whose popularity has skyrocketed over the past few months, to the point that Facebook ended up buying it for $1 billion this past November and its new Android app saw a million downloads in less than three days.

Product of the Half-Year: The Samsung Galaxy S III
Released this past May, the Galaxy S III instantly became one of the most acclaimed smart phones to date, with its large HD screen, light and slick design, Ice Cream operating system, and 4G data speed. Some have even went as far as calling it the best phone in the world, although with the iPhone 5 set to be released in a few weeks, I think it's safe to say that this phone's reign with the title might come to an abrupt end.

Craigslist Ad of the Year: 1995 Pontiac Grand Am GT- $700 (Everett) 
I just love everything about this: the graph, the enormous price cut, the guarantee that it will be a pussy magnet, etc. This man made something that thousands of people do weekly (advertise their old car) and made a show of it. Talk about turning lemons into lemonade!

Politicians of the Half-Year: 
Barack Obama
Mitt Romney
Rick Santorum
Newt Gingrich
Ron Paul
Gary R. Herbert
Scott Walker
Corey Brooker (how I can not include him? The man is a rising star of the Democratic party AND a hero)

Initial Public Offering of the Half-Year: Facebook
One of the most anticipated new stocks in year officially hit the NASDAQ in May when Facebook finally became available for the public to own a piece. Millions were rushing to get a stock of the company, while many involved with the company earned millions of dollars to their bank accounts in less than a day. Yet, it seemed like that happiness for the company on the morning of May 18th lasted for only a short time. Shortly before 11 a.m. on that Friday the company's stock rose from their initial price of $38 to $45, a lower estimate than expected, then back down to $42 and all the way down to $34 before making a late rally to get back to its original price. Things did not go so well the following Monday, falling to as low as $33, and even then the worst wasn't over, with stock prices falling to as low as $25 in the beginning of June. The company has since managed to climb back a bit, but stock prices have yet to reach over $34 since the first day of trading. On May 23rd, Facebook's poor results even resulted in legal consequences, with several banks announcing that they were suing the social network site (as well as backers JP Morgan Chase & Co. and Goldman Sachs) for lying about what the actual stock price should've been and for concealing very important information in the IPO lead-up.

Social Networking Site of the Half-Year: Twitter
Once again, Twitter's popularity seems to continue to increase without yet reaching its peak. Looks like in the ever lasting battle for social media supremacy, it's the site that only allows its users to share statuses in under 140 characters that seems to be on top in both relevancy and hipness.

Future Technology Announcement of the Half-Year: Google's "Project Glass"
Great, just what we need, another object that distracts us from walking/driving!

Downfall of the Half-Year: The Penn State Football Program
Even after Jerry Sandusky's horrific rape allegation was released to the public and even after the university fired several individuals (including head football coach Joe Paterno) for covering up his indiscretions, the worst was yet to come for the institution. Three weeks after Sandusky was acquitted on 45 of his 48 charges and sentenced to a minimum of 60 years in prison, an internal report headed by former FBI director Louis Freeh was released officially concluding that Paterno, university President Graham Spanier, athletic director Tim Curley and vice president Gary Schultz had all decided to cover-up Sandusky's action on fear of bad publicity. Apparently, school leaders "empowered Sandusky to attract potential victims to the campus and football events by allowing him to have continued, unrestricted and unsupervised access," access that provided Sandusky "with the very currency that enabled him to attract his victims." And now, according to reports, it seems as if the NCAA is planning on punishing the university based on the report with unprecedented penalties unlike any others given before. (UPDATE 07/23: $60M worth of fines, a 4 year bowl ban, a loss of scholarships, and the loss of all wins from 1998-2011, to be exact).

Trickery of the Half-Year: New York Yankees Outfielder DeWayne Wise
for faking this catch in a game against the Cleveland Indians this past June, despite it being later revealed as a drop in the stands in which the ball was actually caught by a fan 10 feet away from him. Between this and the famous catch he made to save Mark Buehrle's perfect game three years ago, I can only imagine what this journeyman ballplayer will do as a follow-up.

Book of the Half-Year: The "Fifty Shades of Grey" trilogy by E.L. James
Since being released in June of last year, this erotic novel about a couple's BDSM relationship has sold 31 million copies and has even surpassed the "Harry Potter" series as the fastest selling paperback books of all-time, with a potential movie deal in place. It's also gotten so popular that it's even convinced a book company to alter classic works of literature in order to match its erotic nature, in case you need any more reason to hate the general public. So, yeah, score one for mommy porn, I guess...

Drought of the Half-Year: The Record Drought in the U.S. 
Record-high temperatures all across the nation along with very little rain to combat it has resulted in one of the worst food droughts of many people's lifetime, one which has resulted in the loss of 30% of the country's essential corn crops and one that is likely to raise food prices in 2013.


Animal of the Half-Year:  Meow the Cat
In April, Meow charmed countless Americans with its incredibly large figure once he was surrendered to a New Mexico animal shelter after its elderly owners were no longer able to take care of it, only to tragically pass away of the very thing that made it famous the following May.

Celebrity Divorce of the Half-Year: Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes
Oh, no, not TomKat! Now the only famous celebrity nicknames we have left are going to be Brangelina and Kanim Karwestshian!

Short Lived Social Activist Campaign of the Half-Year: Kony 2012
From 80 million hits in one week to one embarrassing story involving its director and barely no mention in the news since...almost all of that occurring in a one month span.

Deaths of the Half-Year (people): Hey, this may not shock you, but the first half of 2012 saw many famous people pass away. These individuals included: Whitney Houston, Etta James, Wislawa Szymborska, Ben Gazarra, Ernest Borgnine, Andy Griffith, Mike Wallace, Dick Clark, Andrew Breitbart, Levon Helm, Maurice Sendak, Ray Bradbury, Donna Summer, Robin Gibb, Rodney King, Nora Ephron, Celeste Horn, Richard D. Zanuck, and so much more.

Death of the Half-Year (product): The Encyclopedia Brittanica Printed Edition
After 244 years, the famous English language encyclopedia announced that it will no longer be printed newer edititions, deciding to solely focus on their online version, Encyclopedia Brittanica Online.

Sports Moments of the Half-Year:
-Spain Defeats Italy to win the UEFA European Championship
For the first time ever, a national team has won three straight major tournaments (the 2008 EURO, the 2010 World Cup, and 2012 EURO). If this isn't the greatest team of all time, then they at least belong in the discussion.
-The New York Giants Win Super Bowl XLVI
Am I the only one whose weirded out about now considering Eli Manning to be a future Hall of Famer?
-The Los Angeles Kings Win the Stanley Cup
No. 8 seed to begin the tournament, but No. 1 when all was said and done.
-The Miami Heat Win the NBA Championship
I hate how this has suddenly become less hilarious because of the title.
-No. 15 seeds Norfolk State and Lehigh Beat No. 2 seeds Missouri and Duke in 1st Round of NCAA Tournament
I don't think I was ever as pleased to see my bracket destroyed as I was on that Friday night.
-Kentuky wins the NCAA Basketball Tournament
Knowing Calipari's past, I give it five years before the Wildcats vacate this title.
-Alabama wins the BCS National Championship
Apparently, it's much easier to win the BCS these days than it is to win the SEC.
-BCS Announces College Football Playoff Beginning in 2014
About damn time.
-Bubba Watson Defeats Louis Oosthuizen in a Playoff to Win the Masters
Makes you wonder how far this tournament would've gone had Oosthuizen not made that double eagle of his.
-Linsanity
His quarter-year success reward? A return back to Houston.
-Peyton Manning Signs with Denver Broncos; Denver Trades Tim Tebow to the New York Jets
I think Denver made a good decision, don't you?
-Novak Djokovic, Rafael Nadal, and Roger Federer All Win Major Championships in Tennis
Meanwhile, Andy Murray keeps asking when is his turn to shine.
-Baylor Women Finish 40-0,Win NCAA Tournament
The best record in NCAA basketball history, and they get a very prestigious title to show for it.

Stories of the Half-Year:
It took several months and battle with several surprising competitors that were seriously challenging him, from Bachmann to Perry to Cain to Gingrich to Santorum, but the Republican party nomination is finally going to go to the former Massachusetts governor.

It was the first democratic election following the 2011 uprising, yet one that hasn't even begun to settle the divide among the country's many opposing internal sides.

If anything this, election also deserves the top prize for Most Exaggerated Responses of the Half-Year. All over the night of the election, the reactions ranged from this being the end of democracy as we know it to the end of unions forever to even the beginning of Obama's demise.

A Santorum made up of people creating santorums. How...poignant?

I would praise the Lord for this discovery, but I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with the idea of worshipping particles.

-The Worst Kept Secret of an Institution With "Secret" in Their News: The U.S. Secret Service Prostitution Scandal
Looks like we found out who services the Service.

Kinky.

Sounds like the plot for the worst adult film in years.

Sad as it is to say, not everything about the Arab Spring can end as smoothly as they did in Egypt and Tunisia.

It must be so nice for someone to feud with another in a club with dozens of their entourage members interfering for them.

-The Stupidest Controversy: The Rainbow Oreo Cookie Ad
The only thing that should be controversial about it is the fact that this delicious looking cookie is not actually available in stores right this very moment.

-The Biggest Government Wagging of Finger: U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder Held in Contempt By Congress
I bet the people who voted for this decided on it (wait for it)...fast, and furiously.

-The Most Questionable Way to Go: Woman Dies of Starvation Due to Sunlight-Only Diet
The man who was simultaneously on an air-only diet did not like his chances after hearing this news.

-Man's Best Evidence of An Impending Zombie Apocalypse: Miami Homeless Man Has Face Eaten by Man High on Bath Salts
Worst. "The Walking Dead" Re-enactment. Ever.

-The One To Restore Your Fate in Humanity: Kentucky Man Buys Everything at K-Mart, Then Donates to Charity
"What, you couldn't buy everything from a Wal-Mart, too?"-Really bitter person

-The Most Catastrophic (U.S.):  The Colorado and Utah Wildfires

Look on the bright side: it caused five deaths, but at least that's far less casualties than during the 2004 earthquake.

[cue Labour Party members making jokes about how this isn't even Cameron's 10th dumbest mistake as Prime Minister]

-Yet Another Sad Story of Multiple Deaths in the Middle East: U.S. Sergeant Kills 16 Afghan Civilians, 9 of Them Children

-The Most Unintentionally Hilarious Compliment: Colorado Gov. Accidentally Calls Lt. Governor a "Sex Machine" to Children
I'm not sure which is worse, this "mistake" or the Vermont governor being chased home by bears. Either way, both do not look good coming out of those news reports.

Pretty big decision, no?


And...that's gonna do it! As always, if you felt that there was either something that I felt out or something that I wrongly included, please feel free to express your opinion in the comments. Be sure to stop by tomorrow for the exciting conclusion to End of the Half-Year 2012. Otherwise, enjoy the rest of your evening.
Sincerely,
Your pal: mj15





  If you have any opinions on today's post, or if you just have any suggestions or tips for my next blog entry, e-mail me at: mj1599@aol.com. Your e-mails are greatly appreciated.
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