Before I begin, I would just like to address something important. Football is great and all, especially these two games on Sunday. However, we need to make sure that we keep things in perspective. As we will watch these two games on Sunday afternoon, it is important to realize that there are still people in Haiti without food and without…. Aw screw it! I already donated my $10 to the Red Cross on Tuesday and spend over twenty hours this week watching CNN. I get it, Haiti needs help! Like we haven’t already known this from the news seen on TV and that TV special that was on hundreds of TV networks on Friday! I just want to have at least one day this week, hopefully on Sunday, without having to worry about hearing the words: Haiti, Port-au-Prince, aid, donations, tragic, etc. ....
Anyways, it’s conference championship week, where we finally find out which teams are heading to Super Bowl XLIV. You’ve probably already heard the Soap opera heading to the games, so without further ado, here are those matchups to determines the two spots in the Super Bowl, as well as my picks (and m50’s picks, still) on those matchups, and why that will happen. As usual, the game times are based on the Central time zone.....
Let’s begin:
New York Jets vs. Indianapolis Colts (-7.5): Sunday- 2:00 p.m
mj15’s pick: New York
Boy was this close! In fact, in all my years of picking AFC championships, this one was the most difficult decision for me to make. The matchup in week 16 really didn’t add much because Jim Caldwell pulled his starters in the middle of the third quarter; though it was a 15-10 Colts lead before this happened. Both teams are also essentially playing against a much better version of the team they played last week. Like the Chargers, the Colts have a terrific passing game led by a great QB, a sub-par rushing game and a a sort-of good show. Like the Ravens, the Jets have a good rushing game, a sub-par QB and a great defense. The Colts do have home field advantage, but the Jets have won all of their playoff games on the road. Besides, both teams have had a tough record in championship games since the merger of1970, with both teams having a combined 2-5 record (the two wins came from the ’70 and ’06 Colts), so we don’t really know which team will do better based on previous records. I also like the Colts, but I can’t accept the fact that they will win this game.
But the real reason why the game was so difficult for me to pick is Jets coach Rex Ryan. I didn’t know there would be a reason that I would ever cheer for the Jets, but he is that reason. From his swagger to his cockiness to even his boxing analogies, he is one more awesome moment away from becoming the greatest rookie head coach in NFL history. Even the fake Rex Ryan from those “Kissing Suzy Kolber” columns is freaking awesome. In fact, the fake Rex Ryan is mostly why I’m in love with real Rex Ryan. If there was one thing that would make me want to smash a brick wall with my head, it has been those awesome columns. Like this one from this past Thursday (I would give the link, but MySpace is blocking this for some reason. So here is the full column in its entirety. NSFW content ahead):
“Mark Sanchez: Holy smokes, Thomas. We’re in the AFC Title Game! I can’t believe it! Last year, I was just some goofball at USC. This year, I’m taking the field with Peyton Manning for the right to go to the Super Bowl! That’s amazing
Thomas Jones: Yup
Sanchez: Oh, man. Peyton Manning. He’s the best in the business.
Jones: Yup.
Sanchez: Not gonna be easy to beat him.
Jones: Nope.
Sanchez: You think Coach Ryan has something big up his sleeve for this one?
Jones: Ain’t you seen Coach? He’s something big up all his sleeves.
Sanchez: Oh man, here he comes.
(door flies open)
Ryan: HOW THE FUCK YOU DOIN’, BOYS?
Sanchez: Good, coach.
Ryan: Oh! Oh! Oh, do I feel good, men! I woke up this morning. I took a MASSIVE shit. Then I showered, shaved, trimmed by balls, and had the best fucking breakfast I’ve had since yesterday! Mrs. Coach Ryan took me to Good Enough To Eat! And we had eggs sunny side up, eggs over easy, eggs over hard, eggs over mayo, eggs Benedict, eggs Florentine, a Western omelet, a Denver omelet, a meat lover’s omelet, sausage links, sausage patties, sausage trapezoids, bacon, scrapple, pancakes, banana pancakes, silver dollar pancakes, Swedish pancakes, apple pancakes, cream cheese stuffed pancakes, biscuits and gravy, biscuits and ham, biscuits and suet, biscuits and strawberry butter, waffles, French toast, French toast sticks, pancake sticks, waffle sticks, danishes, donuts, bagels, bialies, coffee cake, croissants, cinnamon buns, sticky buns, hot cross buns, and a light fruit salad. And for dessert: MY WIFE’S JUICY SNATCH! Oh man, what a great meal! Can’t wait to have it again tomorrow! What did you have for breakfast, Matador? WAYVOSE RANCHAIROS?!.
Sanchez: I had cereal, sir.
Ryan: Did you put sausage in it? A RYAN ALWAYS SAUSAGES HIS FROSTED FLAKES!.
Sanchez: No, sir.
Ryan: Well, you’re missing out, Matador! Why you eat so light? Is it to impress the ladies? Oh, I bet the gals out there just fall all over themselves to get at your BURREETO DOS MAHNOSE!
Sanchez: Well, I…
Ryan: Oh! Oh! Ol’ Matador here is feeding the ladies some of his CARNAY AHSAHDO! THAT’S GREAT HUSTLE!
(slaps Sanchez on the ass, hard)
Sanchez: Ouch!
Ryan: Now, first order of business: Nicknames! Matador, you knew nickname is El Conquistador! BECAUSE YOU CONQUERED THOSE FEATHERWEIGHT CHARGER ASSHOLES!
Sanchez: Thank you, sir.
Ryan: Jonesy, your new nickname is Tom. And Greene! WHERE THE FUCK IS MY MAN GREENE?!
Shonn Greene: Here, sir.
Ryan: You new nickname is HULKY! EVERYONE SEE HULKY HERE BUST THROUGH THE FUCKING LINE ON THAT 4TH AND 1?!
Jones: That was me, sir.
Ryan: Well, that was A GREAT FUCKING PLAY, HULKY! GREAT FUCKING HUSTLE!....
(slaps Greene on the ass, hard).
Greene: Ouch!.
Ryan: And did you all see our man Revis make that juggling pick? Revis, I bet those weren’t the only balls juggled that day! AM I RIGHT? OH HELL YES I AM! CAN I GET A BALLS?
Everyone: BALLS!
Ryan: Now, men. MEN. This is it. This is what we talked about all season long. You put in the effort, and now, here you are. There are four teams left standing: The three top seeds, AND THE FUCKING NEW YORK JETS
Everyone: YEAHHHHHHHHHH!.
Ryan: You aren’t wanted here, men. Make no mistake about that. The league would rather see those glory boys Manning and Favre go at it in the Super Bowl. But you aren’t gonna let that happen, are you?
Everyone: NO!
Ryan: Nobody wants you. Everyone thinks you don’t belong here. They say you got lucky. They say you got handed a playoff spot by the same team you’re playing on Sunday. Hell, our own stadium is named after a fucking Manning’s team. You are the fucking outcasts. The dregs of society. And let me tell you something, men. I WOULDN’T HAVE IT ANY OTHER GODDAMN WAY.
Everyone: YEAHHHHHHHHHH!....
Ryan: I’m gonna tell you a story. When my momma was 15 years old, my Daddy got her pregnant. She was just a girl, still in school. Had no idea what to do. She spent nights in her bed, tossing and turning, agonizing over what to do about this child she didn’t want. Now, I wouldn’t have blamed her if she had just said SCREW IT and gone and done what had to be done, if you catch my drift. Those are the choices we make in this life. They can’t be undone. All you can do I hope you did the right thing. But my momma, this poor 15-year-old girl from Oklahoma, decided to have the baby. They took her to the hospital a few months later. And for 36 hours, she writhed in agony as she tried to give birth to her baby. She lost a gallon of blood that night. Her blood pressure plunged down to barely anything. Doctors said she might not make it. But she pushed, and she pushed, and she never gave up. Because she knew. She knew that, by God, she may not have made the right decision, but she wasn’t gonna quit. RYANS DON’T FUCKING QUIT. And so she kept pushing, kept ATTACKING. And soon after, she gave birth to a 40 lb. baby boy. She gave birth to a FUCKING WINNER. And that little 40 lb. baby, that child that, should the coin have flipped the other way, never would have existed… that boy that was an outcast at school… that boy none of the girls wanted to kiss… that boy who always felt like he had to prove something to his Daddy… that boy who was turned away again and again from a head coaching job… that little boy is now one fucking game away from the GODDAMN SUPER BOWL. AND YOU BET SURE AS FUCK THAT I AIN’T DONE PUSHING! ARE YOU?!!!!
Everyone: NO!
Ryan: Now, those Colts there might have some advantages over you. They got the home crowd. They got the glitzy QB. They got the fancy wideouts and their fancy rush ends. But they ain’t seen the things you and I have seen. They haven’t been through the fucking FLAMES AND TWISTED SHRAPNEL like you and I have. They aren’t ready for us. They aren’t ready for fucking WAR. They have no idea just what kind of fucking maniacs they are up against. ARE YOU ALL A BUNCH OF FUCKING MANIACS?!!!
Everyone: YES!
Ryan: ARE YOU FUCKING READY TO KILLLLLLLLLL?!!!!!! ARE YOU READY FOR WAR?!!!!.
Everyone: Then tonight, on the eve of battle, WE FEAST! Bring out the training table, men!
(brings out food)
Sanchez: Holy shit.....
Ryan: In ancient times, the Roman army would gather to feast before they went and kicked the shit out of everything in their path. And tonight, YOU men will do the same. HAVE AT IT! We have steak, chicken, roast beef, pork, ham, lamb, turkey, duck, venison, shark, whale, swordfish, lobster, shrimp, bison, lion, bear, bacon, sausage, bacon sausage, burgers, dogs, chili, wings, beef stew, lamb stew, beef and lamb stew, veal brains, veal liver, veal heart, veal piccatta, pork butt, tenderloin, tacos, taquitos, and more! AND NO BULLSHIT NONMEAT FOODS!
Sanchez: Oh man…
Ryan: And the coup de graw… BRING OUT THE COLT!
Sanchez: Is that a real Colt?
Ryan: Straight from my Daddy’s stable. She’s a good girl. But now, it’s time for her to make the ultimate team sacrifice!
(gets out cleaver, chops horse’s head off)
Sanchez: HOLY CRAP!
Ryan: Any of you men know how to debone a colt?
Sanchez: No
Ryan: Watch and learn! I can do it in seven seconds!
(bones Colt, hands Sanchez chunk of raw Colt meat)
Ryan: Now eat it.
Sanchez: But I never…
Ryan: EAT IT! DEVOUR IT! CHEW ITS BONES AND BECOME ITS MASTER, CONQUISTADOR!
Sanchez: Oh, okay…
(eats horse)
Ryan: He ate it! He ate it! Ol’ Conquistador just had himself some neighgiri sushi! IS HE READY FOR WAR?!
Everyone: YES!
Ryan: ARE YOU READY FOR FUCKING WAR?!
Everyone: YES!
Ryan: NOT YET, YOU AREN’T! BRING OUT THE GIRLS!
Sanchez: Whoa...
Ryan: They didn’t just eat before war. THEY FUCKED LIKE WARRIORS! NOW GO! GO! GET THAT WARPUSSY!
(everyone goes off to have sex, comes back)
Ryan: NOW FUCKING BRING IT IN!
(everyone brings it in)
Ryan: All of you have fresh Colt blood dripping from your mouth. And you all reek of warpussy. I like it. Don’t wash it off. Save it. Leave it there. Take the field on Sunday with the taste of the opponent’s blood fresh in your mouth, and the stench of conquered woman on you. Let those Indianapolis pussies know you will fucking MURDER them as we did poor Daisy today. Let them know you will stop at nothing until you have torn them limb from fucking limb, and left nothing but blood and bones in your wake. It’s not enough to want to beat those fuckers. YOU HAVE TO WANT TO FUCKING EAT THEM. CONSUME THEM ENTIRELY. WIPE THEM OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH. All that will be left of them will be what’s in YOUR SHIT. Do you understand that?
Everyone: YES!
Ryan: IS IT TIME TO FEAST?!!!!!!
Everyone: YES!
Ryan: We’re gonna fucking WIN! And then we’re go to Medieval Times! FUCKING KILL ON THREE! ONE TWO THREE…
Everyone: KILL!
Ryan: Oof, that was good. Now it’s time for lunch! Blood sausage, HOLD THE SAUSAGE!....
Sanchez: I need a breath mint.”
Oh, Drew Magary, your sick mind isn’t built for this sick world!So,how did pick the Jets, you ask? Well, it’s because of the excerpt you read above (Shouldn’t really surprise you, though. It’s can be incredibly epic to persuade you. In fact, I can easily pick a team because of some stupid factor like this one). They also remind me of the 2007 Giants. Like them, they entered the playoffs with nobody believing that they could win, are the #5 and play each their championship game in a hostile environment. And…that’s about it. Again, it took me until I wrote that KSK excerpt to make this pick, so if the Colts win, I wouldn’t be surprised…or mad (I’m also secretly rooting for them, but that’s not important)
mj50’s pick: Indianapolis
Minnesota Vikings vs. New Orleans Saints (-4): Sunday- 5:40 p.m.
mj15’s pick: New Orleans
Oh, so many reasons. In fact, I have made a list of them, starting from the most obvious one:
-The Saints have been known to having a history of failure, as noted by the fact that this is only their second NFC Championship Game appearance. But they haven't had a history of so man heartbreaking failures like the Vikings. Since the team’s first trip to the NFL playoffs in 1968, they have been known to have some of the biggest disappointments of the season in the biggest of games, In fact, they have so many that I have made up a list of five moments (this has to be one of the best signs of a franchise getting years of bad luck, that some random teenager can look up and make a top five), beginning with the earliest:
01/11/1970- Probably the biggest example of Vikings failure came during Super Bowl IV. In this game, which was the final AFL-NFL game played before the merger, the Vikings came in with a 12-2 record, the NFL leader in points scored on offense, and fewest points allowed on defense and twelve Pro Bowlers, including Hall of Famers Paul Krause and Alan Page. They were also 13 point favorites against the Kansas City Chiefs, who got obliterated by the Packers in the first Super Bowl a few years back. In the end though, the Chiefs proved to be too good on the defensive side of the football, and they won their team first, and still only, Super Bowl, 23-7. Now, it may not have featured one single soul crushing play, considering the fact that it was the worst of four Super Bowl appearances by the team and that they were incredible favorites, this has to be included in the list.
12/28/1975- In my opinion, this has to rank as one of those “I can’t believe people don’t talk about this game” game, the Vikings were leading 14-10 with 24 seconds remaining against the Dallas Cowboys in the NFC Divisional Playoffs. With the Cowboys having the football at the Vikings 47, it looked like there was no way that the Vikings would lose. As you can probably guess already, this was not the case. The next play Cowboys QB Roger Staubach, in a shotgun formation, then threw to the right in a desperate pass to wide receiver Drew Pearson at the five. Pearson ended up making the catch, he scores, and the Vikings end up winning the game 17-14.
People in Minnesota still make the case today that the play shouldn’t have ever happened because Pearson clearly pushed the defender, Nate Wright. I personally think that this shouldn’t count. Pearson was clearly the greatest Cowboys receiver ever at the time, so he probably would have made that catch (which he was single covered). Another thought, the call was so hated by the fans at the game, that one of them threw a Jack Daniels bottle straight to a referee’s head. No wonder I hate Minnesotans so much!
01/17/1988- This is the game that some people in Minnesota call “The Drop.” Hours before Earnest Bynor’s “The Fumble” game between the Broncos and the Browns, the Vikings, with 0:56 left on the clock and down to the Redskins by seven in the NFC Championship game, had one last chance to score a game tying touchdown to put the game into overtime. They were at the Redskins eight yard line, and quarterback Tony Adams threw the game deciding pass to running back Darrin Nelson. It looked like Nelson caught it in his hands at the goal line. Well, it wasn’t. Nelson just couldn’t hold firm grasp of the ball, drop it, giving the Redskins a trip to the Super Bowl (which they ended up winning, by the way).
01/17/1999- My favorite of them all. The Vikings in this game were playing for the NFC Championship and a trip to face John Elway’s Broncos in Super Bowl XXXIII. They had a 16-1 record going into the game. They had the highest scoring offense in NFL history (led by quarterback Randall Cunningham and wide receivers Cris Carter and Randy Moss), a kicker who was perfect the entire season (more on him later). It seemed almost likely that they would come out on top against the Atlanta Falcons. At it did seem that way.
With two minutes left in the 4th quarter and the team up 27-20, Minnesota sent the perfect 35 for 35 field goal kicker, Gary Anderson, to attempt a 38 yard field goal to put the team up by 10 and put the game away. As you might expect, the football gods once again shunned the purple and gold, as Anderson missed. This led to the Falcons coming back with a drive to tie the game up, and an ensuing drive capped off by a field goal by Gray’s brother, Morten, to giving Atlanta the win and the spot in the Super Bowl. Considering that had the Vikings won this game, they would have become one of the greatest teams in NFL history, this has to rank high up there. For goodness sakes, NFL films ran an entire “America’s Game” about them! That’s how big they were. And the fact that they lost… well, that sealed it in the Pantheon of failures that maybe the ’69 Colts, ’88 Bengals, ’90 Bills and ’09 Patriots are part of.
12/28/2003- Not a playoff game, but it did have a playoff feeling. Basically, the Vikings just needed this win against the then 3-12 Arizona Cardinals, and they would’ve been in the playoffs. They were even leading 17-11 with seven seconds left and the Cardinals with the a 4th and long to decide the game. But, in the most recent slap in the face for the franchise to date, Arizona wide receiver Nate Pole (Nate Pole!) caught the pass in the end zone with time expired, giving the Will Leitch nicknamed Buzzsaws the 18-17 win and eliminating the Vikings from the playoffs. The Packers ended up getting that spot instead. Ouch!
Am I saying that something like that will happen this Sunday? Heck no! I’m just pointing out that this team has been known to give up the biggest games, which I do think will happen
-Brett Favre hasn’t won a road playoff game in twelve years! And how is he supposed to break that streak in the Louisiana Superdome, no Percy Harvin and Darrel Sharper guarding Sidney Rice’s side? Give it to Adrian Peterson? Preposterous! The Vikings O-line hasn’t done a good job with Peterson for the last month. Besides, Favre will just audible half of those rushing plays for play action passes anyway.
-The SI Cover Jinx!
Hey, if it worked in the ’07 Playoffs for Green Bay, it will most likely work here.
-Everybody assumes that the Vikings will win because they beat the team that beat the Saints earlier in the year last week. Well, not sure. Especially if Drew Brees can have time in the pocket. And I’m pretty sure that the Saints O-line, which is way better than the Cowboys O-line, can do that.
-Reggie Bush. He will be the deciding factor in this ballgame, no doubt. That…and the motivation of getting Prince, a Vikings fan who will be at that game, pissed.
-Finally, I still don’t trust Brad Childress and would take Sean Payton to be my coach anytime.
mj50’s pick: New Orleans
Playoff Records (both mj15 and mj50): 5-3 (by the way, this is the first week of the playoffs this year we have a disagreement. Progress!)
Overall Record: mj15- 168-93
mj50- 159-105
And there you have it, over 3.600 words as to why I think it will be a Saints/ Jets Super Bowl. The 2009 season finale and Super Bowl preview extravaganza of the NFL predictions column coming at ya two days before the big game! I even put an exclamation point at the end of that sentence, so you know that I'm serious. Until then, enjoy what I hope will be two good games on Sunday, and not two crappy ones like most of these NFL playoff games have been. Also, I hope you enjoy the media coverage, anticipation, and constant around-the-clock analysis that occurs during the days before the Super Bowl. I know I will!
Sincerely,
Your pal: mj15
If you have any opinions on today's post, or if you want to suggest anything to mj15 on his next blog entry, e-mail him at: mj1599@aol.com. Your e-mail might be addressed on a future post.
