Favre-alicious, Steve Jobs and January's Bests: It's the GOD DAMN MONDAY POST!!!

It's February 1st, and the mj15 blog is going old school! And by old school, I mean resembling the posts I made in the summer of '09. Let's go...

RANDOM THOUGHTS:

The following were on my mind between Thursday, January 28th and Monday, February 1st:

- More Bill Simmons hate! Not only did he use his first 415 words describing the plot of an episode of "Ghost Whisperer" that he watched (no, really!), but he also had a few quotes that really puzzled me and/or made me angry. Here they are:

I was thinking about her three Mondays later, after the NFC Championship Game, when I was sifting through e-mails from devastated Vikings fans, and I realized that, for some readers, I apparently have turned into the "Sports Whisperer." They channel me as an outlet for their pain.

Why me? Because I have a column and an e-mail address. Because, as a Red Sox fan, I suffered through a lifetime of losing lowlighted by two of the worst defeats in sports history. Because I once wrote the "Levels of Losing" as a way to quantify sports pain. Because things worked out for me; the Red Sox eventually won titles in 2004 and 2007. If any stranger could understand your anguish after a heartwrenching loss, it's me.

Not really. It's because you occasionally deliver a mailbag column that averages over a million readers everytime. Therefore, there are people who want to have their e-mails put on that column (or any other column for that matter) so they can have their five minutes of fame. IT HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH YOUR OVERRATED RED SOX ANGUISH!!!
And that is one thing that really peeves me about Simmons. HE ALWAYS BRINGS EVERYTHING BACK TO BOSTON SPORTS! And most importantly, he never seems to spend a long period of time mentioning his city's past sport woes. In fact, he, and every Red Sox fan in his lifetime, were never really "tortured." His basketball team, the Celtics, were a dominating force throughout the first half of his life. His football team, the Patriots, went to five Super Bowls and won three of them. His hockey team, the Bruins, were a Stanley Cup contender annually.
He had Larry Bird and Tom Brady to cheer on as well as other great like John Havlicheck, Kevin McHale, Carlton Fisk, Roger Clemens, Dave Cowens, etc. But bthe fact that they were the losing team in the Bucky Dent game, the '86 World Series f*** up and Game 7 of the 2003 ALCS, and they were one of the most tortured fanbases. I have more, but let's just move on...

The key is "fully tortured." You can't be a little tortured or pretty much tortured. You have to be fully tortured. Haunted, even. Six variables allow this to take hold:

I find it interesting how in every countdown or list he does, he has to make rules out of it. Like, you can't just write it without spending 500 pointless words on the voting process.

3. During that 35-plus years without a title, it's not enough to lose. You need to have your guts wrenched a few times.

A great example: Heading into 2005, the White Sox hadn't won a World Series since 1917 and the Cubs hadn't won since 1908, but only Cubs fans were considered "tortured." And with reason. Maybe White Sox fans hadn't won anything, but they didn't have a ton of scars, either. Cubs fans were scarred like tribal warriors. Big difference.

As a White Sox fan, I would like to protest to that. Yeah we may haven't been as "tortured" as Cubs fans are right now. BUT WE STILL WENT 87 YEARS WITHOUT A WORLD SERIES! Last time I checked, that was the second largest World Series drought in MLB HISTORY. If that isn't tortured, I don't know what is. Also, it's not like we were quite during the '87 year drought. We had a team that THREW AWAY THE WORLD SERIES! That's still a pretty rock bottom way to lose. Not to mention that we lost the '59 World Series and countless playoffs because of terrible coaching decisions. Moving on...

14-15. Seattle Mariners/Seahawks

Last Title: Never.

Last Truly Devastating Defeat: None.

Rock Bottom: Losing the Sonics in 2008 sent the city into a spiritual sports funk.

Wait, what does a basketball team have to do with it. In that case, should you said that the entire city of Seattle is "tortured" then? You know what, I don't really care. You were probably having one of those writers blocks and couldn't think of anything good to put for them. On last thing...

3. Buffalo Bills

Last title: 1965 (AFL).

Last Truly Devastating Defeat: The Music City Miracle (1999 playoffs). Also the worst gambling loss of the past 10 years for anyone who bet on Buffalo. The rare double whammy.

Rock Bottom: Let's go with this one -- a while back, I wrote that Buffalo had lost three straight Super Bowls, and my editor corrected me that it was actually four. I know I'm getting old, and I've been having a ton of brain farts lately ever since my son decided it would be a good idea to start getting up at 5:15 every morning like he was a CEO. But still, the Bills lost so many Super Bowls in a row that someone who writes about sports for a living couldn't remember the exact number. We'll never see anything like that again. I'm convinced.

I don't care if he'll never reads this. But I'm still saying this because I care: NOBODY CARES ABOUT YOUR PRECIOUS BENJAMIN OAKLEY, BILLY! Also, how do you not know that the Bills lost four Super Bowls in a row. Isn't your employee Joe Meade from Buffalo. You didn't once heckle him for this?

That is all.

- Does Steve Jobs wear the same clothes everyday of his life?

- Damn you, "Jersey Shore"! Thanks to you, I can't think, hear or say the word "situation" without thinking about that Italian douche.

- There are bandwagon jumpers, and then there is Lebron James. Seriously, is there any team he supports without them having success the last twenty years?

- My betting favorites for being the most talked about storyline by the press during Super Bowl XLIV week:

1. Dwight Freeney's injury: 2-5

2. Peyton Manning playing against his dad's team: 20-1

3. Peyton Manning joining the best QBs ever discussion with a win on Sunday: 3-

4. The Saints and the city of New Orleans: 7-1
5. Pierre Garcon and Haiti: 14-1
6. "Remember me hit": 22-1
7. Colts could be 18-0 right now: 34-1

8. Jerome Bettis hometown was Detroit: 20,000-1 (Has nothing to do with the game. This is just a little inside joke to the fans who went through the pre-Super Bowl XL hype)

END OF THE MONTH:

It's back! The following are my picks for the month's bests:

Controversy of the Month: The Late Night War of '10

It lasted only two weeks. And yet, it felt longer. From NBC cancelling "The Jay Leno Show," to Conan O' Brien's final time hosting "The Tonight Show," to how every late night talk show host in America was involved in some way, and it all formed a perfect mixture of controversy.

Stories of the Month:

- The Most Heartbreaking: The Haiti Earthquake

- The "Is This Really News?"-iest: New York Jets Head Coach Rex Ryan Shows Middle Finger to Fan

This story was so big, it made the headline of the New York freakin' Post! If I was Rex Ryan, I wouldn't have apologized (like he meant it anyway). If anything, this further show that he is by far the most awesome coach in the entire league, not deteriorates it.

- The Most Surprising: Cornell University Earns First Ranking In School History

Then again, if you defeat every easy Ivy League team in your schedule, I guess you would be ranked. Still though, it is an Ivy League team. Which is big.

Videos of the Month:

- The Most Pathetic: "Packers Fan Cries Hysterically After Team Loses in Playoff Game"

There's nothing like seeing the reaction of the fan of the losing team. Especially after a tough playoff game. Especially these kind. Poor guy. His only regret was caring too much.

- The Most Embarrassing: "Wheel of Fortune Contestant Guesses Self-Potato"

The worst part of all this? The fact that it's on the Internet.

- The Funniest: "Favre Blows It... Husband Reacts"

Since this was the playoffs, it was a particularly good week in angry fan reactions.And this was the cream of the crop. By the way, can you imagine what the guy said before the video took place. It was probably something like: "Honey, get the camera. Quick! I want to be able to cherish this great moment that we as a family will all remember for the rest of our lives..."

- The Most Epic: The Final Ten Minutes of "The Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien"

While it may take a while to see Conan O'Brien on the TV, fans of his can appreciate those glorious final two weeks of hosting "The Tonight Show." And what a way it all ended! Not only did O'Brien give a nice-, heartfelt speech but he and his friends capped it all off with a seven minute rendition of Lynyrd Skynyrd's classic, "Free Bird." And as someone who watched it all, I have to tip my hat for that. Well done, CoCo, well done.

Big Winner of the Month: Jay Leno

Yes, he did ruin the respect of his peers and most of the country. Yes, he did take away Conan O'Brien's seat as the host of "The Tonight Show." And, yes, he looked like a weasel and a liar in the process. But he did ultimately come out on top, by leaving the primetime show of his that was going nowhere and finally getting the spot on "The Tonight Show" back after all of the fighting and the controversy and the jokes. And for that, we should give that old scumbag credit.

Person of the Week: Everyone Who Donated Money for the Relief Fund in Haiti

for doing just that. Whether it was a small donation, or one of those $10 donations that you texted to a certain place, it was the right thing to do. Because of this, the rebuilding in one of world's most devastating places has begun.
Runners-up:
- FOX (Vikings-Saints game drew 58 mill., "American Idol" premiered with 30 mil., might get Conan O'Brien)
- NBC
- Conan O'Brien
-Roger Goodell (it's always good to be the NFL comish during playoff time)

And... that's that (I guess)! A whole new batch of random thoughts return on Thursday! Until then, enjoy the beginning of your week.

Sincerely,

Your pal: mj15

If you have any opinions on today's post, or if you want to suggest anything to mj15 on his next blog entry, e-mail him at: mj1599@aol.com. Your e-mail might be addressed on a future post.