Let's get started with nine brand new ramblings that I've concocted during the past five days...
RANDOM THOUGHTS:
The following were on my mind between Monday, August 29th and Friday, September 2nd:
- I don't understand why I'm supposed to be angry at a restaurant or a store having a sale because of 9/11, yet okay if TV networks want to exploit the tragedy with 5,234 new specials in the coming days. That, my friend, is double standard!
- The Michael Vick 6 year/$100 million contract is fine. It's only 40% of the deal that's guaranteed, and according to Andrew Brandt, even that's not for sure. Besides, Vick is the franchise QB and one of the biggest and most popular names in the sport (just look at his jersey sales in 2010 and the ratings that was attracted for nationally televised Eagles games) who is playing in the league where the owners can easily tear up the contracts if they so please (example: what happened to Vick's first ever $100 million contract with the Falcons following his jail sentence). Again, it's just fine.
However, I am worried a bit that the Eagles may be too heavily invested on Vick, what with this contract and the trade of Kevin Kolb. After all, Vick is the man is 31 years old and isn't getting younger. Secondly, because of the way he plays, his chances of getting hurt and missing games increases more than a quarterback like Tom Brady, who is more a pocket passer. Also, last time I checked, he did miss five games last season. Will Vince Young be a good replacement quarterback if he gets injured? Right now, I'm not so sure.
- If George Lucas keeps re-editing the prequels like he's doing right now for the Blu-Ray re-release, then I feel it's inevitable that he will accidentally make it to look like "Spaceballs."
-The brown eye of the storm?:
- Sooner or later, Michelle Bachmann is going to say something during her campaign so awful, so stupid, and so offensive that her staff can't do anything to ameliorate her words and completely trumps previous statements like the "$2 gas" promise or her thought that Hurricane Irene was a message from God...and I, for one, can't wait.
- Just think: nearly a hundred miles above us you will be able to see the box of Froot Loops that your cousin Mike finished in 2005. What a time to be alive! (http://gawker.com/5836826/weve-turned-outer-space-into-a-deadly-landfill)
- Does Herm Edwards basically live in the ESPN headquarters these days? Seems like he's on TV ten times more per week than any other NFL analysts they have hired.
- With the successes of "The Blind Side" in 2009 and "The Help" this month, it's clear that Starz should start a channel dedicating solely to programs about white people, specifically attractive females, improving the lives of random black people.
- I see that YouTube has basically blocked the commenting sections for almost every video of classical songs. Good. Personally, I think they should have done it sooner! Despite showing the videos of amazing songs, those commenting sections were pretty awful, even for YouTube standards.
And now we turn our attention into a look back at the week that was. Here's it is, folks, the latest installment of "End of the Week"...
END OF THE WEEK:
Video of the Week: "Madeon- Pop Culture (Dance Video)"
He's like that Matt guy if Matt was too unpopular to be invited into parties.
Stories of the Week:
- The Actual Story of the Week: President Obama Just Can't Seem to Schedule His Economics Speech At a Convenient Time
He originally wanted to hold his primetime congressional address on Wednesday, a pretty dickish move considering it's at the same time that MSNBC and Politico are scheduled to hold a Republican presidential debate. So, he worked a deal out with Speaker of the House John Boehner (just one of many he's made with this year alone) and agreed to not hold the debate on Wednesday. Instead, it will be on Thursday...minutes before the Saints and the Packers play the first NFL game of the 2011 regular season, putting NBC at a rather precarious position: whether to air the speech or show Faith Hill singing just before kickoff (and considering how football is a ratings giant in America, I don't think that their decision will be difficult).
- The Tiger Woods Saga of '09 Memorial Story of the Week: British Porn Star Teacher Allowed to Return to the Classroom
The school agreed to have the man, Benedict Garrett, on the staff on the condition that they get to monitor him everytime he's in a classroom with a female student. That's how 95% of all school-related porn begin, don't you know!
Gimmick of the Week: Lady Gaga as Male Alter-Ego Joe Calderone at the MTV Video Music Awards
Eh, why not?
Person of the Week: British Television Presenter Ortis Deley
Mistakes and so-called "trainwreck moments" are fairly common when it comes to live TV broadcasts. In this day and age, you really can't go a month without hearing a story or watching a clip of someone making some kind of embarrassing gaffe on the air. However, rarely do you see someone have so many gaffes in their first major gig that the network showing that person decided to permanently yank them off the air. This, sadly, did happen in the case of Ortis Deley.
Previously known as the host of the Channel 5 tech series "The Gadget Show" and as a Sunday morning DJ for London's Choice FM from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m., prominent British TV network Channel 4 decided to give Deley a shot at the Big Leagues in July, announcing that he would anchor their coverage of IAAF World Athletic Championships in South Korea (the first time the network actually aired the event after 27 years of coverage by the BBC). For Deley, this hosting gig was going to be his big break, a chance to shine in the brightest spotlight he has ever had in his life before. Who knows, maybe his career might have skyrocketed from that point forward, and this gig was have been pointed as the one that began his rise like the 1980 Winter Olympics was for Al Michaels, or the 1986 Masters was for Jim Nantz. Unfortunately, as you will see from the clip below, it turned out that his performance as host was simply a case of nerves gone haywire. Here are the highlights (if you can call it that) of Deley once he was actually doing the hosting:
Missed lines, incoherence, the sense of not having a clue, an ability to pronounce the simplest of names, constantly being unable to correctly name his colleagues-- it was basically a smorgasbord of screw-ups that would even make Brian Collins embarrassed for him. After receiving a bunch of complaints from viewers regarding his on-air struggles, Channel 4 announced that they were officially dropping Deley from their coverage of the games, replacing him with presenter Rick Edwards, who had previously been presenting the evening highlights program. So, basically, a big break that could've been turned into a gig that made him a laughingstock and the English version of Chip Caray. On the bright side, he still has his other remaining gigs last time I checked, so at least that mess he made on the air this past week wasn't a complete career ending moment.
Finally, we come to an end by shifting the focus from the best moments of the past week (or, in this case, the week up until this point) to the best moments of the past month. Ladies and gentlemen, it's "End of the Month."
END OF THE MONTH
Anarchy Event of the Month: The Riots in England
Because when I feel like my government hasn't treated me fairly, there's no better way to express it than to inflict massive amounts of property damage on my own community. Idiots!
Magazine Cover of the Month: Michelle Bachmann on "Newsweek"
I didn't know Voldemort was running for President.
Newspaper First Page of the Month: New York Post's NYSE Headline on August 10th
For a newspaper that prides itself on making witty and creative first page headlines, this was sure awfully simplistic. After all, what's next? "Hurricanes are like major injuries: really bad"? "Jets this year are like the feet Rex Ryan like: good"?
Videos of the Month:
-The Illest: "A. Samuels: 'Livin De Life'"
Dad, get off the computer!
-The Most Fanatic: "shout out to the knox city greyhounds"
I can't wait to see four months from now how the team's win total compares to the amount of front teeth he has.
- Rebecca Black: 25 Years Earlier: "Kris Jenner/Kardashian 'I love my friends' music video"
You know your music video is bad when the only thing saving from being horrible it was an unintentionally hilarious OJ Simpson cameo.
- The Most Honest: "Kelly Osbourne Called Christina Aguilera a Fat B*tch!"
He's right. There really isn't anything more eye-brow raising than "a fat bitch calling another fat bitch a fat bitch."
- The Most Pathetic: "X Games 17: Moto X Enduro Women's Highlights"
There were no winners in this race, only survivors.
-The Sexiest: "Mila Kunis Speaks Russian to a Reporter"
I think she may have a problem with one of the reporters' questions.
- The Most Record Breaking: "Tighest Parallel Parking- GWR Video of the Week 3rd August, 2011"
I'm even more interested to see how he gets out of that parking spot.
- Alright, This Guy is Good: Kevin Durant: Catches Fire in the 4th Quarter
66 points during a game at Rucker Park, including 5 straight three pointers made from over 30 feet. That is what I like to call: "the stuff of legends."
- The Loudest: "Mega Bass 40,000 Watt RMS"
She should be praying that she didn't listen to a 50 Cent song.
-The Most Educational: "Robert Reich Explains the Credit Downgrade"
It's as simple as A-, BB+, C.
-The Creepiest: "Jim Carrey Confesses His Love to Emma Stone"
The most creepy thing about it? You can totally see it happening.
- The Best Cover: "California Girls at 8 a.m."
Taylor Swift covering Eminem's "Lose Yourself" was okay, but it fails in comparison to this. Laugh at him all you want, but that man is the happiest at the bus.
- The Best Use of Facial Hair: "Trim: Shaving in Style"
It took so long for him to make this video that he ended up growing another beard putting together this clip.
-The Funniest: "How Harry Potter Should Have Ended"
Can't believe that in the 2+ years of this site, I have yet to post a "How It Should Have Ended" video. Well, guess there's a first time for everything.
- The Most Awesome: "OK Go and the Muppets- Muppet Show Theme Song"
Well, these guys certainly played well...to my heart.
Major Resignation of the Month: Steve Jobs as Apple CEO
The new CEO, Tim Cook, is gonna have quite a lot of gigabytes of data to fill.
Natural Disaster of the Month: Hurricane Irene
Well, it was either this or that relatively miniscule 5.8 magnitude earthquake, so...
Movie of the Month: "The Help," a.k.a. the surprising success of the year, drawing #1 in the box office for four weeks in a row and receiving over $100 million and counting domestically (UPDATE 10/05: The box office gross for the movie is now at over $160 million and still in the box office top ten) and proving once again just how amazing white people are to poor blacks.
Downgrade of the Month: Standard & Poor Lowers United States Credit Ranking From AAA to AA+.
It's the moment that sent Wall Street to a kerfuffle for a two week period...and it's all because of a $2 trillion error. By the way, what does it say about the status of this nation's economy when the freakin' Isle of Man has a AAA rating, but not us.
Stories of the Month:
-The Most FOX News-ian Headline Ever: Obama's Hip-Hop BBQ Didn't Create Jobs
Something tells me that the network might have a conservative bias against the President.
-The Most Relieving: U.S. Debt Ceiling Deal Reached
The result? A credit downgrade and a fortnight of Wall Street worrying about the country's long term status. I hope it was worth it, Congress.
- The Saddest: Copter Shot Down, Killing 30 U.S. Troops, 7 Aghans
Just the highlight of what was the deadliest month to date in the fighting at Afghanistan. (sighs)
- The Other Saddest: Indiana Stage Collapses, Kills 5
- The Most Awful: 6 Year Old Forced to Videotape Mom Having Group Sex
Sorry, Kerry Campbell. I guess I was wrong. Looks like there's a mother worse than you after all.
- The Biggest Quitter: Tim Pawlenty Drops Out of Presidential Race
His supporters are now left to wonder what would have happened had he quit at a later date.
- The Most Age-Defying: 98 Year Old Woman Receives Tenth Degree Black Belt
...at least that's what they made her believe.
- The Most Historic: Jim Thome Hits 600th Home Run in Twins' Win
Reading the media reports, I have a good feeling that the milestone happened to a nice guy.
- The Strangest: Florida Woman Tries to Beat Up Girlfriend With Strap-on
Hard love.
- The Funniest: French Actor Gerald Depardieu Pees in Plane Aisle at Air France
Hmm, I'm not sure what to think of it. What do you think, Anderson Cooper?
- Seriously, You Guys! Don't Pee on the Plane in Places That Aren't The Toilet!: U.S. skier Robert Vietze Arrested for Urinating on an 11 Year Old Girl
I'm pretty sure his skiing career is over because of this.
- The Most Moronic: Man Shoots Self While Driving in Tennessee
It's Tennessee. What did you expect?
- The Scariest: David Letterman Marked For Death by Some Jihad Terrorists
Jay Leno was also reportedly going to be marked for death, too, until the men changed their mind on the belief that he "seems like a nice guy."
- The One With the Most Freedom: The West Memphis Three Released From Prison
I bet their return to the town must have had more awkwardness than Funnybot.
- The Unluckiest: Boy Not Rewarded $50,000 For Making Hockey Shot After Father Reveals that Twin Brother Did It
At least they learned an important lesson, and that is to never try to trick an insurance company because they will do anything and everything to find any loopholes before giving you money. Also, they may have gotten the next best thing: absolutely nothing.
- The Most Record Breaking: Katy Perry Becomes First Woman To Have Five No.1 Singles From One Album
Looks like this "Teenage Dream" just turned into a reality.
- The Least Unexpected: Anti-Gay Indiana Politician Found to Have Cruised Craigslist for Male Prostitute
At this point, it's more shocking if a Republican does remain faithful to his wife.
- The Most Creepy-Grandpa Approved: Joe Namath Tweets About Wet Cheerleaders
I'm just surprised that he didn't later go on to say "and then I screw her, and her, and her mom..."
- The Most Shocking: Tennessee Lady Vols Head Coach Pat Summit Has Early-Onset Dementia
Just a sad story that was not only for women's college basketball, but for all of sports. Let's hope that the disease isn't rapid.
- The Biggest: Libyan Rebel Forces Take Over City of Tripoli
That day was considered a victory for Gaddafi protesters, fans of democracy and people that like cheaper gas prices.
TV Promos of the Month: "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia": Season Seven
This is just one of the six Hallmark movie parodies that the show made in preparation of the season premiere later this September. Hopefully, the actual episodes will live up to my expectations as a result of these ads that's been airing on FX.
TV Cancellation of the Month: "Kate Plus 8" by TLC
Good move, TLC. Now, can you please do something about that show with the Duggars?
Investigation of the Month: Charles Robinson Report Into the University of Miami's Illegal Player Benefits from 2002-2010
This story will take months to have a major impact outside of the eight one-game suspensions given to some of their current players as the NCAA and the University are currently looking into the story with investigations of their own. However, at least now Charles Robinson has earned his spot in the list of investigative reporters you really, really, don't want to see investigate your favorite team.
Brawl of the Month: The University of Georgetown Basketball Team and the Bayi Rockets
I don't think it had anything to do with a bad foul.
Person of the Month: I don't know. Rick Perry, I guess? Michelle Bachmann? Hurricane aficionados? Robert Vietze? I don't really know. I guess it's up to you to decide.
And that, at last, marks the end of this three-in-one marathon post! As always, if you have anything that you want to add for "End of the Week" or "End of the Month" that I have not mentioned, feel free to do so in the comments. Because August was such an eventful month, I have a feeling that you will have no problem doing so. So, thanks for wasting your valuable time reading this triple-sized labor of love, and be sure to come back Wednesday for the return of the NFL picks column, which I, as its writer, promise to make it more entertaining, more insightful and (most importantly) more accurate than ever before. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go ahead and enjoy this Labor Day weekend. I hope that you do so, too.
Sincerely,
Your pal: mj15
If you have any opinions on today's post, or if you just have any suggestions or tips for my next blog entry, e-mail me at: mj1599@aol.com. Your e-mails are greatly appreciated.
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