'Tis the season for must-win regular season games and playoff clinchings.It's week 16 of the 2011 NFL season, the second to last week before the playoffs, and boy did the football gods offer a wonderful treat for this week. Not only are 15 teams battling it out for the league's final 5 playoff spots, but there are a lot of interesting matchups to go around: the Giants against the Jets, the Eagles against the Cowboys, the Chargers against the Lions, the Falcons against the Saints, and more! Plus, Saturday afternoon games for a change! Hooray for changing the schedule once every six years whenever Christmas is on a Sunday! So, as a service of gratitude, I've decided to start this post out by giving some gifts right back to certain NFL related teams and personnel. Here they are in no particular order:
To the St. Louis Rams: The #1 pick in the 2012 draft as a result of being the consistently worst team in the league. The Colts may have started out 0-13, but you almost always found a way to make yourself look worse and more dull than them every week. In other words, you were "The Social Network" while the Colts were "The King's Speech." Because of this, I hope that Indy wins out for the rest of the season just so you get what you rightfully deserved.
To the Indianapolis Colts: A copy of the Lou Reed and Metallica's album "Lulu." Just listen to it if you don't get it.
To Cam Newton: A new team.
To Maurice Jones Drew and Adrian Peterson: Ditto.
To Drew Brees: The single season NFL passing yards record. Dan Marino has held that record for too damn long!
To Matt Forte: That damn contract extension with the Bears. I'm sure he's done more than enough to prove why he deserves the cash.
To the 1972 Miami Dolphins: Some government reprogramming that teaches them new things, like the fact that popping champagne to celebrate every time that the last undefeated team of season loses isn't all right and may be considered by quite the rest of the world to be both arrogant and pretentious.
To Donovan McNabb: A membership to Cardinal Fitness.
To the Buffalo Bills: Season one of "The Killing" on DVD, the season that started out interesting and promising, yet got progressively worse after each week, and...well, you get the point.
To Matt Leinart: Smirnoff Ice vodka.
To Michael Vick: An alternate universe where we would finally answer life's greatest question: what would it have been like if he were white?
To ESPN: A collective slap in the face from the family of Clement Clarke Moore for abusing his classic poem "Twas the Night Before Christmas" and the
To James Harrison: A restraining order from Roger Goodell.
To Peter King: A workout video by Roger Goodell.
To Joe Flacco: A razor and some shaving cream. The mustache needs to go.
To Ndamukong Suh: A time traveling machine that allows him to play football in the looser 1960s.
ESPN Deportes Reporter John Sutcliffe: A lifetime ban from reporting on Monday Night Football games ever again.
To Chris Johnson: A stern and vocal letter to any running back that thinks he deserves the same kind of contract extension that he had in the offseason.
To Sam Hurd: "Scarface" special collectors edition on DVD.
To Rex Grossman: A free nights stay at the Playboy bunny ranch.
To John Beck: Tickets to see "The Book of Mormon."
To Chargers general manager A.J. Smith: The return of the scandalous pitcures of his that is currently in Norv Turner's possession. Maybe that way he can finally have the free will to fire him.
To the Philadelphia Eagles: A re-do to the first half of the season.
To John Elway: A painting of Tim Tebow being like by Cthulhu like what happened to Justin Bieber on "South Park."
To Marshawn Lynch: A never ending supply of Skittles.
To the Houston Texans: The healing potions from "Skyrim" brought to life.
To Aaron Rodgers: The 2011 NFL MVP trophy, and some discount double check from State Farm.
As always, you are free to chip in your Christmas gifts that you would like to give in the comments section. Now, how's about we get to the picks? Last week was without a doubt the worst weeks picks-wise in the entire season of this column. After fifteen consecutive weeks of always finishing over. 500, I (along with mj50) finished the season with a year-worst 8-8 record. My "weeks without going under .500" streak continued, though, so at least there was that. As for our overall records, the two of us continue to remain seven games apart in our overall records, with me leading 155-69 to his 148-76.
But that was then. We're in the now, which means we've got sixteen brand new games to decide on. How will we end up finishing? Stay tuned to find out. In the meantime, here, finally, are the very picks for week 16 that we decided upon.
Let's begin (Note: starting game times are based on the Central time zone):
Houston Texans (16) vs. Indianapolis Colts (19): FINAL
mj15's pick: Houston (L)
mj50's pick: Indianapolis (W)
So, apparently, the Colts have decided to just start choking away the Andrew Luck sweepstakes (the one thing that Colts fans were looking forward to after such a miserable year) at the most inconvenient time possible. Having the #1 pick and drafting the most high-profiled quarterback prospect since Peyton Manning in the only year this decade that they've managed to stink is the very definition of unfair. Also, it seems like the Texans are just poised for a blowout in the wild card round two weeks from now. No Matt Schaub, no Mario Williams, and just under half of their roster were listed under the injury report this week. Oh well, at least they got a division title in all of this.
Oakland Raiders vs. Kansas City Chiefs (-2.5): Saturday- 12:00 p.m.
mj15's pick: Kansas City
The Kansas City defense played exceptional in their upset win over the Packers last week (especially Tambi Hali, who sacked Aaron Rodgers three times), while the offense is now instantly better with Kyle Orton as their quarterback than they ever were with Tyler Palko. Meanwhile, the Raiders have lost three in a row and have guys like Darren McFadden and are Michael Huff that are being ruled out for the game. Also, it's kind of hard to overlook the fact that the last time they played against each other (week 8) was the week that the Chiefs shut the Raiders out 28-0. The players will continue to play for Romeo Curnell (who in one game has gotten the same love from the players that Todd Haley has gotten in three seasons, apparently) and Kansas City will move one game closer in their quest for a .500 record.
mj50's pick: Oakland
Denver Broncos (-3) vs. Buffalo Bills: Saturday- 12:00 p.m.
mj15's pick: Denver
The Buffalo Bills are not the New England Patriots, or any other good team in the AFC. Simple as that. Expect the Broncos running game to have a field day against one of the league's five worst rushing defenses over in the cold, nasty upper New York conditions, and expect the Broncos to celebrate the eve of Jesusback's birthday with their first divisional title since 2005.
mj50's pick: Buffalo
Jacksonville Jaguars vs. Tennessee Titans (-7.5): Saturday- 12:00 p.m.
mj15's pick: Jacksonville
One of my fantasy football teams is playing in a two-week long championship game. This is the first time that this has happened to me since 2007 (when I won in dominating fashion, FWIW). Sure, it's one of those free public ESPN league where ten random strangers join up for one week only to have half of them take it seriously (my opponent you ask? A Kansas-native woman in her early 50s named Deb. I don't really care much for Deb), but it still matters to me, dammit! Anyways, both Chris Johnson and the Titans defense are playing for my championship game opponent. Tennessee, if there was any time for you to play your usual style of uninspired football, now's the time.
mj50's pick: Tennessee
Arizona Cardinals vs. Cincinnati Bengals (-4): Saturday- 12:00 p.m.
mj15's pick: Cincinnati
Thanks to four consecutive wins in a row (and 5 out of their last 6), the Cardinals are back to being .500 and are suddenly back in the NFC playoff picture, for some reason. And now they're off to southern Ohio to take on a 8-6 Bengals in a must win matchup for both team if they still want to be in the race by the end of the week. As mentioned many times before on this blog, the Bengals have had the tendency to win games against team .500 or worse, so I expect that trend to continue at home in a game that A.J. Green is expected to return from injury and play, and which the Bengals are trying to remain the AFC's #6 seed. Can't say that it hasn't been fun putting "John Skelton" and "potential playoff quarterback" in the same sentence.
mj50's pick: Cincinnati
Miami Dolphins vs. New England Patriots (-9.5): Saturday- 12:00 p.m.
mj15's pick: New England
Earlier this afternoon, Marc Sessler of the NFL Network reported that Bill Belichick and Tom Brady have been purposely avoiding social media sites like Facebook and Twitter in order to try to turn their main focus on these important weeks ahead. In a week that features 22 teams still alive in the race for the playoffs, that story tops this week in News You Absolutely Don't Care About.
mj50's pick: New England
Cleveland Browns vs. Baltimore Ravens (-12.5): Saturday- 12:00 p.m.
mj15's pick: Baltimore
The injured Colt McCoy didn't even make the team trip to Baltimore this week. How in the hell do you expect for me to them instead of a team that's trying to clinch a division title?
mj50's pick: Baltimore
Minnesota Vikings vs. Washington Redskins (-6.5): Saturday- 12:00 p.m.
mj15's pick: Washington
You've got to at least respect the way that the Redskins have played these last five games. In pretty much every one of them, they fought to the very end and came up on the winning side three times in that span. Now, they're up against the Vikings, who just might be starting to play for that #1 pick at this point (unless pride gets to them like it did with the Colts yesterday) and is by far Washington's weakest opponent in this entire stretch. Expect a 4-2 stretch for Sexy Rexy and the crew in red.
mj50's pick: Washington
HALFTIME! Because this Sunday is...well, you know...I felt that this week's comedy clip should be holiday related. So, with that in mind, here's the most wholesome Christmasy stand-up that I could find: the hilarious Paul F. Tompkins mostly talking about smoking weed at a Christmas party. Enjoy!
New York Giants vs. New York Jets (-3): Saturday- 12:00 p.m.
mj15's pick: New York...Jets!
Ooh, this is going to be fun to watch! Cross town rivals playing in the same stadium in a battle for New York supremacy and with a major sense of desperation in the air for both teams. If the Giants lose, they lose their shot at the NFC East and, therefore, the playoffs. If the Jets lose, then their chances at the playoffs get slimmer. It should be a good, down to the finish matchup. In the end, I have the "little brothers of New York football," as in the Jets, coming out on top. They've not only got recent history on their side (two straight week 16 wins, coupled with two straight week 16 losses for the G-men), they have the better head coach, and they have the better defense to get it done. In other words, expect this Saturday to feature the first time since 1994-1996 where the Giants have secured three missed playoff spots.
mj50's pick: New York Giants
Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. Carolina Panthers (-7.5): Saturday- 12:00 p.m.
mj15's pick: Carolina
With all due respect to Andy Dalton, Cam Newton has been far and away the best offensive rookie of the 2011 season. Not only has he broken the NFL record for most touchdowns in a season by any quarterback ever in less than 13 games, he's basically been the only bright spot this season for a Carolina team with a lot of flaws. At least the Bengals had that good defense of theirs. Oh, and the Panthers are going to defeat the Bucs handily in this game. No doubt in my mind that this will happen.
Also, feast your eyes on this glorious game-time trickery...
mj50's pick: Carolina
St. Louis Rams vs. Pittsburgh Steelers (-14): Saturday- 12:00 p.m.
mj15's pick: Pittsburgh
Ben Roethlisberger may not be playing this week against the Steelers, but neither is Sam Bradford for the Rams. Kellen Clemens, prepared to get mauled! Also, I think it's a pretty telling example of just how poorly the Rams have been playing this season when their opponent loses a key player, yet they're still considered two touchdown underdogs. If that isn't a sign that they deserve the #1 pick more than the Colts or the Vikings, then I don't know what is.
mj50's pick: Pittsburgh
San Diego Chargers vs. Detroit Lions (-2): Saturday- 3:05 p.m.
mj15's pick: Detroit
Can you believe that the Lions are a win away from a postseason spot? Me neither, but nonetheless I believe that it will happen. The crowd at Ford Field should be fired up, and I think that Matthew Stafford should have a good game against that struggling San Diego passing defense. Eat your heart out with this upcoming playoff clinher, Detroit! You deserve it.
mj50's pick: Detroit
Philadelphia Eagles vs. Dallas Cowboys (-1.5): Saturday- 3:15 p.m.
mj15's pick: Philadelphia
Despite their disappointing start to the season, the "Dream Team" has somehow, some way found a way to get back into the playoff (although, to be fair, most of it is due to the fact that both Dallas and the Giants have each blown chances to gain momentum in the NFC East race). Now, they just need to win these last two games and to have both the Cowboys and the Giants finish the season 8-8 or worse. Personally, I believe that once the Christmas Eve games are all wrapped up, this Eagles team will take a big step in achieving this goal against a team whose owner is afraid of them (well, sort of). Tony Romo and the Cowboys have had a track record of struggling at the end of September, and this Eagles team has this kind of "2010 Packers" vibe in the air. Explain Michael Vick and the birds to embarrass the 'Boys in their final game of the year on the national TV stage.
mj50's pick: Dallas
San Francisco 49ers vs. Seattle Seahawks (-2.5): Saturday- 3:15 p.m.
mj15's pick: San Francisco
There is no doubt that there will be a playoff vibe in Qwest Field tomorrow afternoon. The Seahawks, one of the NFL's hottest teams, is trying to keep themselves in the NFC Wild Card race with a win, while the 49ers need a win to stay alive for the #2 seed. Personally, I have the 49ers getting the edge in this one. As we've seen time and time again, this team can go up against anyone, anytime and defeat them, so I don't see as to why they won't be able to win on the road in Seattle, even if the stadium will be loud when their offense steps onto the field. They've also got the running game to match Marshawn Lynch's productivity, and their defense is by far the best team that the Seahawks have faced in this recent five game win streak of theirs. But then again, I picked against them last week when they won, so what do I know?
mj50's pick: San Francisco
Chicago Bears vs. Green Bay Packers (-12): Christmas- 7:30 p.m.
mj15's pick: Green Bay
Call this game the Miracle on Lombardi Avenue if the Bears are able to pull off this upset. No Matt Forte and Jay Cutler once again, Marion Barber is doubtful, third stringer Josh McCown is starting now that the Bears have finally realized that Caleb Hanie is too bad for them to play one another, they've yet to win at Lambeau Field since Aaron Rodgers took over as the Packers starter, and Green Bay is going to try to prove to the NFL after last week's loss to Kansas City (the one that finally made the 1972 Dolphins pop the bubbly) that they are still great despite being seen vulnerable in week 15. Everything's set up against them, and I'm afraid that some help from above (and some great play by the defense) is going to be needed in order for the team to not get officially eliminated from the postseason (despite sitting at a comfortable 7-3 a month ago).
mj50's pick: Green Bay
Atlanta Falcons vs. New Orleans Saints (-6.5): Monday- 7:35 p.m.
mj15's pick: New Orleans
Like the Lions, the Falcons also need a win this week in order to secure a playoff spot. And just like the Lions, I feel that they're going to make the final week of the regular season a lot more interesting by losing their respective game. The Saints have been one of the league's best home teams with zero losses at the Superdome this year, and an even better team on Monday Night, with a 7-0 record since 2008. They've also got the offense to get points on the board, but since they're ranked #1 in the league this season, saying that is superfluous. Drew Brees will probably get the 305 yards needed to pass Dan Marino's single season passing record, while his team's clinches yet another division title since 2006.
mj50's pick: New Orleans
RECAP
The Undertaker at WrestleMania Lock of the Week: New England over Miami
The Villanova over Georgetown in the 1985 NCAA Basketball Championship Upset of the Week: Jacksonville over Tennessee
The "Curb Your Enthusiasm" vs. "Seinfeld" "I'm Not Sure" Pick: San Diego over Detroit
I hope that you enjoy yourself a merry, little Christmas. Be sure to stop by next Friday for my week 16 results as well as a look into this season's regular season finale. And as always, enjoy the games, everyone!
Sincerely,
Your pal: mj15
If you have any opinions on today's post, or if you just have any suggestions or tips for my next blog entry, e-mail me at: mj1599@aol.com. Your e-mails are greatly appreciated.
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