I'll get to the picks in a moment. But first, since it's week 16, the second to last week of the season and the same week when Christmas usually occurs, I've decided to spend this column giving out some fake gifts and awards to some teams and players who have really deserved it from this season. It's like whenever a writer gives out his fake awards during a column, except most of these people on the list, but with my own twist. Here we go:
To the St. Louis Rams: The first pick of the NFL Draft.
They deserve it. From the beginning of the season, no other team in the NFL showed this much signs of not caring at all and suckiness as they did.
To coaches Lovie Smith, Jim Zorn, Eric Mangini and Gary Kubiak: A pink slip
The first three should have each received it on Thanksgiving. The fourth one might not receive it at all. However, if his team doesn't make the playoffs, that might change.
To Browns, Rams, Bills, Buccaneers and Lions Fans: A DVD of the Dave Chappelle stand-up special
They need something in their life to make them laugh and be happy for a few moments. God knows the football team isn't supplying that to them.
To Bears fans: Blackhawks tickets
They're first place in the Western conference and have a terrific chance to make the Stanley Cup finals. Support them by coming to their games! I know I've already done it.
To Brett Favre: A watch that stops and fast forwards time.
That way, you can be able to take as much time as you want to think about retiring or not without annoying everyone else like the last two offseasons. Or, you could fast forward to August and go straight to the preseason games. That way, you don't have to suffer that boring summer in Mississippi.
To the Oakland Raiders: The award for the best mediocre team in the NFL
Yes, they may have only five wins this seasons. But four of those five came against teams like the Bengals, the Eagles, the Steelers and the Broncos, who could all end up in the playoffs. Not a bad set of wins.
To the Denver Broncos: A punch in the face from me.
It's not because I hate them. I only hate their fan base after the way they treated this whole Jay Cutler situation in the beginning of the season. I just hate the way they've been so unpredictable. With them, I have the worst record of picking their games then any other team in the NFL not named the Raiders. And that really gets me angry.
To the Minnesota Vikings: A "I'm sorry" card
This is for when they lose their inevitable divisional playoff or NFC Championship game next month. I'd just thought that I would send it a bit earlier than usual. (More on this later in the column)
To the United Football League: Enough money in the world to sign Tim Tebow to play for them
Someone on the internet, I forgot whom, made a good point about this. If this little league wants to make some kind of an impact on the sports scale, they have to do what previous NFL competitors did, which is get some of the top players out of college to play in their league. The AFL did it by signing Joe Namath. The USFL did it by signing Hershel Walker and Doug Flutie after they won the Heisman trophy. Which is why the idea of signing one of the best college football players ever to play in one of the two Florida teams where he is portrayed as football Jesus for some big, Eli Manninng like contract isn't such a bad one.
To Drew Brees and Peyton Manning: A share of the MVP award.
Both of them deserve it more than anyone in the NFL, because they both are the best players in one of the league's top two teams and if either one of them didn't play for their respected team, the Saints and Colts would be nothing at this point. And if the 2003 MVP award was shared, so should this one.
To Vince Young: The comeback player of the year award
He survived the toughest part of his life that featured scrutiny from almost everyone that he was a bust (not me though. I always thought he was never a bust. After all, he won rookie of the year and went to the playoffs in his first two years as a pro) and a supposed attempt to kill himself. Now, he's leading his team, who started out 0-6 by the way, to a possible playoff berth and really playing like the guy everyone thought he was going to be out of Texas. Well done, Vince.
To Joshua Cribbs: A big contract extension
He's really the only highlight from the Cleveland Browns this season besides Jerome Harrison's two hundred and eighty-something rushing game last week. If he was smart, he would hold out at long the rest of the season and the offseason and demand at least $10 million a year.
To Fantasy Football: A big, middle finger
All right, so here I was, up ten with one week to go in the fantasy football playoffs. I was pretty confident that I would move on to the championship. Then, you know what happens? Drew Brees (my QB) only gets 9 points, Roddy White (one of my WRs) get only 3 points and only one out of my eight starters (the Ravens defense) managed to get over ten points in the game. Meanwhile, Ben Roethlesberger (my backup QB) had a 500 yard game, Ryan Grant (my backup RB), had a 200 yard, 2 TD game and the other team had all their starters score over ten points.
As you might expect, I lost and my chances at a second championship was over. Why do the FFB god have to be so cruel? All I did was try to do was have a fun season, and I ended up being a nervous wreck every week (especially the last two weeks). Then again, why am I angry antway? I still won a title and I'm still going to play it next season. Forget what I just said.
To NFL broadcasters Dick Stockton, Charles Davis, Brian Billick, Matt Millen and Trent Green (in that order): A pink slip
They were by far the worst announcers in football all season. Every game that I heard that announce my Bears or any other game this season I just either put the TV on mute or switched to either the other network or NFL Red Zone. I would've also given it to Jon Gruden. But THIS GUY! THIS GUY has enough enthusiasm to make me like him to stay.
To the NFL and all the top cable companies: A mistletoe
That way they could all kiss and make up about their whole fight together and make a decision on putting the NFL Network on the provider. Honestly, it shouldn't be that hard. If it took Dish Network one year and Direct TV almost immediately, why it so hard for people like the ones at Time Warner.
To the Colts: Victories against the Jets, the Bills, and everyone they face in the playoffs.
I want to see them go 19-0. I want to see history in my very eyes. I want to see the Indiana town celebrating, the Patriots fans even more angry and the look on Mercury Morris when the Colts reveal the 19-0 banner in Lucas Oil Stadium next year. Sure, I'm selfish. But I'm the good kind of selfish, because I want to see someone else celebrate something.
Besides those, I would also like to give Charles Woodson the defensive MVP award, the offensive rookie of the year award to Percy Harvin, a new owner to the Washington Redskins and the Chicago Bears, some confidence for Jay Cutler and a good Super Bowl to CBS, who hasn't had five since the 1960's while the other networks, NBC and FOX, always seem to have one.
And now, onto the picks! Last week was another very good week of the pick maestro, as I went 11-5 last week, the fourth week in a row with a 10+ wins record, which was one game better than mt dad, mj50 as we like to call him, who went 10-6 (he picked the Redskins for some reason on Monday night by the way. So, had he picked the Giants we would've both been tied). Those 11 wins last week also brought my record through fifteen weeks to 145-77, which is thirteen games better than mj50, who has a 132-90 record. This week, though, should be a tougher one than last week because it features 2 games a win-or-die implication, 1 game with a team trying to go undefeated against a playoff hopeful, and 9 other matchups with at least one team trying to do either make the playoffs or earn better positioning in the playoffs. But, mj50 and I did reach our predictions. The following are those very picks.
Let's begin (note: all starting game times are based on the Central time zone):
San Diego Chargers vs. Tennessee Titans (-3): Christmas- 6:30 p.m.
mj15's pick: Tennessee
Well, isn't this a nice way for football fans who don't want to talk with their family members to spend their Christmas night? You start off opening presents in the morning, eat dinner and the Lebron/ Kobe matchup in the afternoon, and then cap it all off with a really good AFC matchup between between two of the hottest teams in the entire league. Not too shabby, schedule makers. Not too shabby. Anyways, like I just said, both of these teams are on fire.
The Chargers not having lost a game since sometime in October, and the Titans being 7-1 since the greatness that is Vince Young arrived. I say this because most of the time in this part of the season you go with the team who is either on a hot streak or are playing a more inferior team than them and that opponent will treat the game as an easy "W." So, after some careful thinking, I have decided to stick with the Titans. Because unlike the Chargers, they still have something to play for. San Diego has already clinched everything but homefield advantage. They're also at home, where they have yet to lose in the second Vince Young era. Though, as always, if Phillip Rivers gets hot early, the Titans will get in trouble, no matter how many 85 yard runs Chris Johnson comes up with.
mj50's pick: Tennessee
Seattle Seahawks vs. Green Bay Packers (-14): Sunday- 12:00 p.m.
mj15's pick: Green Bay
The reason you might expect, I guess: Green Bay Packers are angry, blah, blah, blah, defense wants o prove that they're not a joke, blah, blah, blah, West Coast teams playing a 12:00 game, blah, blah, blah, win... BIG.
mj50's pick: Green Bay
Oakland Raiders vs. Cleveland Browns (-3.5): Sunday- 12:00 p.m.
mj15's pick: Cleveland
As previously mentioned, the 2009 Oakland Raiders have been known this season to deliver the wins against pretty good, if not great, teams. However, what they also should be remembered for not doing good the week after, as they have yet to win two wins in a row. Cleveland has also started coming together, having won two straight (which this season can be considered a major achievement) and play really well against the other mediocre teams. Well, it's mostly the offense who do a good job against those teams, but still.
mj50's pick: Cleveland
Kansas City Chiefs vs. Cincinnati Bengals (-14): Sunday- 12:00 p.m.
mj15's pick: Cincinnati
I hate to compare what the Bengals are going through right now, but what is happening with them with the tragic death of Chris Henry last week (which is really sad considering how it appeared his life was coming together) looks very similar to what happened to the Redskins after their loss of Sean Taylor. Both deaths happened in the middle of the week, and both teams lost the first game after the death by a field goal and had the funeral the Tuesday after the game. So, sticking with that, I see the Bengals, like the Redskins after that, to win this next game. Then again, they are playing the Chiefs, which they would have won with or without this happening. So... forget everything that I just said!
mj50's pick: Kansas City
Houston Texans vs. Miami Dolphins (-3): Sunday- 12:00 p.m.
mj15's pick: Miami
Alright, so here we go! A matchup between two teams in that jumbled up AFC Wild Card race in which the winner remains alive, and the loser is done. And don't , I won't use a coin flip to decide this game (even though it did work again as the Titans won). I decided that the Dolphins will win, and I chose it easily (which is weird considering that I have picked the Texans to make the playoffs in the beginning of the season). Miami is way superior to the Dolphins to the Texans in every big way except for the quarterback and receiving corps. Also, even if the Texans did have a lead in some point of the game, they will find some way to choke it away like they always do in a game against a good team.
mj50's pick: Houston
Buffalo Bills vs. Atlanta Falcons (-9): Sunday- 12:00 p.m.
mj15's pick: Atlanta
This game doesn't matter, neither teams matter anymore, and this game is unwatchable. So, because of that, I will state my reason in four magical words that you may have heard before: Look. At. The. Records!
mj50's pick: Atlanta
Carolina Panthers vs. New York Giants (-7): Sunday- 12:00 p.m.
mj15's pick: New York
You already know the reason. So instead, I'm going to pull a Drew Magary (no, I will not explain who he is) and talk about something completely different, and talk about Matt Moore for a few sentences. I watched the game he played against the Vikings. In my opinion, if there was a game where he made a case for Carolina to end the Jake Delholmme era and make him the starter next season, that was the game. He basically did everything right, from not being pressured by the big, bad Vikings defensive line and the primetime lights, to even throwing it to Steve Smith, which is something that the previous quarterbacks for the team this season seemed to have forgotten to do. If I were Jake Delholmme, I would really start crapping my pants thinking about his future on the team.
mj50's pick: New York
Tampa Bay Buccaneers vs. New Orleans Saints (-14): Sunday- 12:00 p.m.
mj15's pick: New Orleans
Yes, New Orleans lost their first game of the year last week. But they still have something to play for in the regular season as they are still a win away from officially playing all their non- Super Bowl playing games at the Superdome. And, trust me, they would like more than anything to clinch it. So, forget it Tampa fans. The Saints will be focused (and more than expected after that loss) and will beat your team... BIG.
mj50's pick: New Orleans
Jacksonville Jaguars vs. New England Patriots (-7.5): Sunday- 12:00 p.m.
mj15's pick: New England
This game was the one, for me, to be the toughest to pick. On on hand, the Patriots are at home with a chance to clinch the division if they win this game. On the other hand, they have been really struggling lately, Brady has been beaten up, and the Jags are sneaky good on the offensive side of the ball. I ended up choosing the road team because, honestly, the Patriots own the Jags at Foxboro in games that matter for both teams. See the 2005 Wild Card game and the 2007 Divisional Playoff game for more on this. Therefore, the Jags will step up and show them an A+ effort. Also, I have to pick at least one upset, right?
mj50's pick: New England
Baltimore Ravens vs. Pittsburgh Steelers (-2.5): Sunday- 12:00 p.m.
mj15's pick: Pittsburgh
Before I begin, I would just like to say that this rivalry should receive a spot as one of the decade's best. After all, is there any other rivlary in the NFL that featured two teams that each won a Super Bowl and made the playoffs at least four times in the 00's who play each other once a year? Also, each match, especially the last four played between them, were all great and came down to the last second everytime. Besides the Patriots/ Colts rivalry, no other rivalry can match this one's greatness.
Anyways, while I do think this will be another close matchup, I do believe that the Steelers will come out on top. As Bill Simmons of ESPN.com pointed out, the combination of a defeat to the Browns and a come-from-behind, last second winner against Green Bay should fuel Pittsburgh up to one hell of a finish. Also, the Steelers with Roethlesberger under center have won four straight against them, and I expect that to continue in what should be a raunchy Heinz Field.
mj50's pick: Pittsburgh
St. Louis Cardinals vs. Arizona Cardinals (-14): Sunday- 3:05 p.m.
mj15's pick: Arizona
At this point of the season, I'm just too tired to make a reason for this type of game between tow teams that each have nothing at stake. St. Louis is already going to have a #1 pick, so I doubt that they will try to screw that up by losing, and Arizona already has the NFC West clinched. So, once again, I'm just going to say the four words for these type of games until the playoffs: Look. At. The, Records!
mj50's pick: Arizona
Detroit Lions vs. San Fransisco 49ers (-12): Sunday- 3:05 p.m.
mj15's pick: San Fransisco
Look. At. The. Records!
mj50's pick: San Fransisco
New York Jets vs. Indianapolis Colts (-5.5): Sunday- 3:15 p.m.
mj15's pick: Indianapolis
Peter King of Sports Illustrated pointed out in his weekly Monday article that the Jets would have a really good chance at winning this game if coach Rex Ryan just ordered his defense to just start blitzing and giving late hits to Peyton Manning just so Jim Caldwell will get scared just enough to pull him off this game, and thus giving New York a better direction to victory. Well, why that may seem like a good idea, Peter King forgot to mention the name Mark Sanchez. Even of the Jets would do that, that guy, against one of the best defensive lines in football by the way, will get pressured just enough to throw enough interceptions to counter act the blitzes.
And do you know what else? I actually believe that the Colts will go for a 16-0 record. Sure there are all these talks about Caldwell sitting all his starters and all that. But I have a strong feeling, no, I KNOW that Caldwell will go for it. Take last week's game for example. He could've given up at any time and just give Jacksonville the win. But, no, he made his team play to the very end. And you know what, his team played as if it was week 3 and scored 38 points to get the win.
Besides, Caldwell is human (even though it seems as if he doesn't make any real emotion at all during the football game) with some selfish needs. He wants to be known as the only coach (who's also a rookie, if I might add!) to have his team go 19-0. He, and even his entire team, wants to be remembered as one of the greatest of all time, to have their place on top of the pantheon of greats, and to pour champagne every time the last undefeated team loses like the jackasses that are the '72 Dolphins. They will try to run the tables. Trust me.
mj50's pick: Indianapolis
Denver Broncos vs. Philadelphia Eagles (-7): Sunday- 3:!5 p.m.
mj15's pick: Philadelphia
Eagles want to have the advantage in the race for the NFC East heading into Dallas next week. The Broncos, even though they want this more, lost to the Raiders last week, signaling the start of a big collapse over the final two games of the season. There was no way that I would pass up a chance to pick the home team in this one.
mj50's pick: Philadelphia
Dallas Cowboys (-7) vs. Washington Redskins: Sunday- 7:20 p.m.
mj15's pick: Dallas
Really, NBC? THIS is your Sunday Night game of the week? Look, I know the Cowboys draw ratings, but there is no way in hell that it will be a close game. And even if it was, it would be boring. The Redskins have just given up (see that idiotic play they performed against the Giants on Monday for more details), and the Cowboys actually look like a good team in December for once. What happened, did CBS beg you not to flex the Jets/ Colts game into your schedule?
mj50's pick: Dallas
Minnesota Vikings (-7) vs. Chicago Bears: Sunday- 12:00 p.m.
mj15's pick: Minnesota
Controversy in Minnesota! Featuring Brett Favre AND Brad Childress at the same time! Yes! Yes! Yes! A Million Times Yes! As a Bears fan and a lifetime hater of anything Minnesota related, this is like a second Christmas present for me, because now I officially don't have to get worried about the Vikings winning the Super Bowl anytime soon. That being said, I still think that they will destroy the Bears. The weather is cold, and Childress will finally remember who Adrian Peterson is, therefore once again recapturing his reputation as a Bears killer.
mj50's pick: Minnesota
RECAP
The Undertaker at "WrestleMania" Lock of the Week:
New Orleans over Tampa Bay
The Y.E. Yang over Tiger Woods Upset of the Week:
Jacksonville over New England
The Diet Pepsi vs. Diet Coke "I'm Not Sure" Pick:
Pittsburgh over Baltimore
Week 16 recap and the thrilling regular season finale to the predictions column coming at ya next week! And since there will be no Thursday night game, the column will return to it's regular Friday schedule as it was before week 10. Until then, may I be one of the already dozens of people to wish you a happy and safe Christmachanakwanzaadanitet.
Sincerely,
Your pal: mj15
If you have any opinions on the week sixteen predictions or anything else on this post, or if you have any suggestions to mj15 on his next blog entry, e-mail him at: mj1599@aol.com. Your e-mail might be addressed on a future post.
No comments:
Post a Comment