Next Week, Our Lives Will Change Forever

Because on Friday, the soon-to-be single greatest movie to have been created by the hands of God (with a little help from James Cameron), "Avatar." That's right folks. Forget what you ever previously thought was the greatest film ever created, because once you see this film, it will literally take your opinion behind a parking lot, beat it to bloody pulp until it can't move anymore, have it's way it and finally shred it in a meat packing building into ten pounds of Polish sausage. And then eat it.

Now, I haven't seen it just yet, nor will I plan on to in the near future, but I must imagine if I do see it, it will be an experience unlike anything I've ever had before. I believe it will be the equivalent of getting an exorcism while my eyes, at the same thime, are experiencing an unlikely orgasm.

Why do I say that, you ask? Well, here are a few things to consider:

1. The director of the film is James Cameron, who is known to making or working on some of the best films of the 1980's and 1990's, including "Aliens," (a very great, yet underrated film that was a sequel to the Ridley Scott original) "The Terminator," (do I need to say anything about it) and of course, his most famous of all, "The Titanic" (it won something a bunch of Academy Awards and over a billion dollars of revenue). The guy has wanted to do this film for years. In fact, he wanted to do it before "The Titanic."

2. They spent over $300 million to make this movie. That includes $120 million alone in special effects. And as history tells us, there's' no such thing as a bad movie with a budget over $100 million. I mean, just look at some great cinematic creation, like Cleopatra, Evan Almighty, Wild, Wild West, and the Poseidon remake.

3. It took Cameron more than fifteen years to make this movie. He wrote a supposed 114 page scripment of the movie in 1994, but had to wait for over a decade before he could start making this film. So you know the visual effects will be incredible.

4. It's in 3D, and it involves explosions, violence and a place called "Pandora." How awesome is that name? I repeat: "Pandora." What other name in the history of names can compare to "Pandora."

5. Just look at that trailer:





Don't worry, that feeling of shock you're experiencing only lasts for about fifteen minutes.

6. The reviews for the movie look really good:
-Thomas Leupp, Hollywood.com:
James Cameron's long-awaited sci-fi epic is every bit as wondrous and
imaginative as promised. Prepare to be amazed.

- Garth Franklin, Dark Horizons:
A technical groundbreaker, if not a cinematic one, James Cameron's
long-awaited return delivers on its promise to be a fully immersive,
rousing spectacle.

- Mary Ann Johansen, Flick Filosopher:
[T]he closest I will ever come to visiting another planet, and it was an exhilarating trip...

- Jake Coyle, Associated Press:
A movie whose effects are clearly revolutionary, a spectacle that millions will find adventure in.

- Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times (and how can you not trust his reviews):
There is still at least one man in Hollywood who knows how to spend
$250 million, or was it $300 million, wisely.

- Orlando Parfitt, IGN UK:

One of the most exhilarating, barmy and eye-wateringly gorgeous movies of the decade.

- Todd Gilchrist, Cinematical:

Cameron's
latest is scary and exciting and entertaining as hell, even if it's far
too early - and too conventional in too many ways - to herald it as any
kind of masterpiece.

The Sneak (which, apparently, is his name), Sun Online:

It's a 3D movie people will look back on in years to come to comment on how it transformed cinema.

So, to summarize: if you thought that scene in "The Wizard of Oz" where the black-and-white Dorothy is opening the door to a colored world and the first use of CGI was revolutionary, well, wait until you see this movie. This film will be so awesome,you won't know what hit you. You'll look at some other great moments in visual effects history, like how they aged Brad Pitt in "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button" and spit in their faces. Five minutes into it, when you see an image as comparable to the opening of "Star Wars," you will cry with tears of joy. ou will forget how bad the storytelling is. You will look at this film, realize at how the movie industry has changed forever, and say "bring it on."

You'll laugh, you'll cry, your jaws will drop to the floor. You will exprience side effects that you would never expect from a movie, like blindness, looking at life as we know it and want to sacrifice your life just to visit Pandora, an increase of heartbeat by 150%, seizure, a blind child if you are pregnant, and seven hundred others. You will call the Academy of Arts and Science and demand an Oscar for them immediately. You will remeber the visual effects in IMAX 3D and just might forget the supposedly bad storytelling that this movie brings.

So, see this movie. Enjoy it. If you don't, then I wish for you a slow and painful death followed of your living flesh. But, if you do, then become a snob to everyone who hasn't seen it and speak up of it's true greatness.

Sincerely,
Your pal: mj15




If you have any opinions on today's post, or if you want to suggest anything to mj15 on his next blog entry, e-mail him at: mj1599@aol.com. Your e-mail might be addressed on a future post.